Jan. 6, 2023

Stuck At the Kids' Table [RPG Horror Story]

Stuck At the Kids' Table [RPG Horror Story]

[#91] Jason relates the tale of a grown-ass man unknowingly being invited to a game for teens.
- Check out the https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/yk1hfy/think_im_playing_with_a_group_of_adults_end_up_in/.
- Monks aren’t at all...

[#91] Jason relates the tale of a grown-ass man unknowingly being invited to a game for teens.

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Hosted by Jason Portizo, Josey Diaz, and Jim Crocker

Produced and Edited by Jason Portizo

Curmudgeons and Dragons is a JTP Audio production


Jason: Hello Adventurers. Did you miss us? Well, we missed you. It's seems as we do this every year where we get busy with holiday and school stuff and have to take a break from the show.

Josie had exams and papers and my work as an audio engineer got busier than I had planned for with extra concerts, booking last minute, and both podcasting jobs, deciding that they wanted the next few weeks worth of work done

before the year.

So we were all kind of slammed over here. Uh, also the

site we were reusing to host the podcast is shutting down their hosting

service. So that was a headache. But in the meantime, I was able to get a few back episodes edited and ready for you all, and we were able to figure out a few things on our end to make sure we don't fall behind.

What that means though is that we're going back down to one episode per week. Uh, twice was a lot of fun, but until this show was a bit more financially success. Uh, it just doesn't make sense to double the workload. For now. For now, we'll be concentrating on our most popular content, which includes DM academy advice, uh, wholesome stories, and obviously the horror stories.

But just because we're pulling back with a release frequency doesn't mean we don't want to grow the show. I've got some plans for this year, and that'll start with doing video for every episode, starting with this one right here, right. If you're listening to this on a podcast app, you should

go check us out on YouTube using the link curmudgeons and dragons.com/youtube

or by clicking the link in the show notes.

And if you are watching us on YouTube, then only

you know how many fingers I'm holding up right now. That'll be our little secret until everyone else comes over.

I know taking a break is bad for momentum, so I'm not expecting everything to happen all at once, but at least to see our average downloads per episode get up a little higher than it was before the break.

And when it does,

I have

some special things in. Uh, the first thing I wanna do is open up our public discord, so we have direct communication with

you, the

listener. But before I open that up, I need to see those download milestones. So this is your call to action. Please share this episode with someone you think might like it.

Maybe at your next d and d

session, you can ask your dm, Hey, j, hear the new Curmudgeons and Dragons episode. And then boom, now you got

someone to talk about it with. I love that we're back. I love that you're back. Today's episode is a horror story about a guy who got invited by an adult to play d and.

Only to find out that he'd gotten roped into playing with edgy teenagers.

Everybody rule initiative,

Announcer: sometimes everything goes according to plan, sometimes. They go horribly. Join us while we tell Tales of Games gone wrong. This is Curmudgeons and Dragons R PPG Horror Stories.


Jason: Adventurers. Thank you for listening to Commercials and Dragons. I'm Jason Corzo. Today I am joined by Ms. Josie Diaz. Hello, Mr. Jim Crocker. Hello. and you the listener. So thanks for joining us. And

Josey: hello. Yeah. Wait, how come you always say hello to the Adventurers, but never to us? We have to just say hi to you because

Jason: you've been on the chat for like 50 minutes already.

I already said hello . Okay. Like a long time ago. Like, you're already here. You don't say hello to people who are already here. Josie is the, it's not how,

Josey: hello was. That's not true. I'll say hi to you three or four times in a single visit.

Jason: Do it right now. Hi. All right. Cool. I didn't think she'd actually do it.

uh, I missed you guys. I missed everything about this. Whatever I said in the intro, it's all true. I'll record it later once I figure out what the hell it's gonna be, but, uh, , but we took a little, uh, took a little break. Uh, happy to be back to this thing. A lot of bullshit has been happening in your games and, uh, we're going to, let's just, let's tell some stories and, uh, make sure that we still have the best games that people are playing.

Josey: Dive on into the bullshit.

Announcer: Let's go, let's do it.

Jason: This is from Reddit, RPG Horror Stories by User Karate Hill. Love it. Uh, two weeks before the time of this recording, uh, the story is called, I think I'm playing with a group of adults, end up in a kid's game. It is marked extra long and I, uh, I appreciate, um, Your, your, your, your hubris in how long you think this actually is.

this is extra, this is extra medium at best. . Uh, there's a story we are not going to cover that was listed as long and it was 15 pages.

Josey: Oh, it was crazy. I was watching Jason just scroll through

Jim: it

Jason: forever. Uh, spoiler alert. Didn't read it. So , there was, that's why I did. That's what I did and it was great. So, uh, karate Hillcrest writes, one of the older guys I know about mid forties approached me to tell me he was setting up a game of d and d and asked me if I wanted to play.

I was pretty excited because I foolishly assumed this must be a group of seasoned pros who grew up playing in, in the eighties. First

Jim: mistake, never make an assumption. Ah,

Josey: yeah. And never make an assumption. Don't you know, it makes an ass out of you and me

Jason: and ump. So even as a guy in my mid twenties

Announcer: this, like I was being,

Jim: and the, the, the big mistake you're making there is thinking that just because people did start playing in the eighties and our season pros, that that necessarily means the game is gonna be good.

There's absolutely no connection there. So, ,

Josey: we're already at your throat. We're not even through the first paragraph. .

Jim: Yeah. Sorry. Come on, please.

Jason: I'll continue. As a sound engineer for, uh, for a lot of cover bands, I will say that just being in your mid forties does not make you good at anything. Mm-hmm. , so take that.

Every band who exclusively plays Bruce Springsteen, uh, even as a guy in my mid twenties, this felt like I was being asked to the adults table for the first time and I couldn't. game day rolls around and I show up at this guy's house and he answers the door and tells me, go on straight through. The kids are out back and I'm thinking the who?

Turns out when he said he was set up a game with d and d, he was doing it for his 10 year old son. He was never intending on playing at all. At the table where his 10 year old son, his 12 year old friend and their two 14 year old brothers and me, a 25 year old trying his best to swallow hot shame at being grouped in with a bunch of children.

The DM was a sort of unusual but polite guy, maybe in his early twenties, but I wasn't. He was one of those nerdy dudes who was socially awkward but spoken million miles a minute. I don't know what you're talking about, sir . I res. I resolved to try my best at having fun despite the embarrassment and took a seat with the rest of the party.

The DN had created character sheets for all of us and instructed us to pick one at random. I thought that was pretty fun, and ended up getting a human monk. I saw on my sheet that I'd been assigned the true neutral alignment, so I decided to play a monk devoted to the goddess. Allowing only the ever-present current of destiny to guide my life.

I told the table that I carried a coin with me, and it was my religious duty to leave hard, moral choices completely the chance, everything at the flip of a coin. Uh, not a terrible character actually, if you gonna be true neutral, I don't know.

Jim: I, that's a Harvey Dent has a, uh, as your d n d pc. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's,

Jason: yeah.

Perfect. Uh, we are pro Harvey Dent in this house, . , the DM stopped me, uh, actually monks, our orients, our religious class. And you shouldn't really be following a God. He

said, I,

Josey: your class doesn't mean shit. You can still be

Jason: religious. Listen, it, it, it's a line on your character sheet. You can go ahead and have a religion

I figured he must have thought that I was getting confused, interpreting the monk as if it were something akin to the. . So I explained that I got how classes worked. I was just role-playing. He looked at me sort of skeptically, but eventually told me he wouldn't allow it this time, which had me kind of concerned when it was time to play, we realized there was only one set of dice for the entire table.

It's completely fine. Not everyone was flushed with cash. These are, these are like 12 and 14 year olds, uh, and dice while individually not very expensive. They add up, ask us all how we.

Jim: Hmm. Don't ask me. I

Jason: don't wanna tell you. , uh, I brought my own set of dice and a couple of extras from home, so I emptied them out onto the table and said, we can easily just share them around.

Mind you, this is barely one and a half sets plenty to play a game, but not nearly as many as some people have. Despite this, I got immediate judgment. The parents were off to the side within viewing distance of the table, which felt uncomfortable anyway, but as soon as I produced my dice, I was hit with a wow.

I knew you were into this game, but not that into. Hot shame. We're gonna come back to the throw that part of, I'm gonna

Jim: throw punches. I'm mad.

Jason: That part of story is, is uh, is mentioned a lot in the comments. We'll come back to that. But that, that's a big one for me. Not only was I being treated as one of the kids, but now I was an adult who was way too interested in this children's game and I was being judged for what was a barely noteworthy amount of dice.

When the game began, things started to get even worse. It was a classic setup. We were bodyguards protecting a cart, traversing a dangerous part of the world, and I was ready for some good clean, adventuring, fun slain goblins and taking names. Unfortunately, that came to an immediate screeching halt. The 12 year old who's playing a Paladin, by the way, says, I want to kill the cart driver.

Oh shit. I played with murder hbos before, but nobody anywhere near us. This was literally minutes into the game. Incredible. Yeah. 12 year olds love to murder hobo. They're

Josey: just figuring out what a

Jim: conscience is. Still.

Jason: I tried my best to level with the kid. I told him he could do anything in this game, but if he played like that, it would ruin the experience for everyone else.

Plus, it didn't make much sense. If he was hired to protect the cart, to suddenly murder the cart driver for no reason. He ignores that and rolls to attack. Okay. I think my character was also hired to protect this cart, and the Paladin serves a clear and present danger to the cart driver, so I'm gonna need to restrain him.

So instantly we have P V P at the very beginning of the session. What's even worse is that one of the 14 year old guys was going through his edgy teen phase, and so he declares, I want kill the cart driver and start chewing on his corpse, Jesus Christ. So now I'm fighting two PCs at the same.

Josey: I, I would like to know what the fuck is up with that

Jason: kid.

There's, there's a, I'm gonna say a 50 50 totally even chance that he either has somebody's sociopathy that he, uh, that needs to be uncovered and dealt with, or he's just a normal 14 year old boy .

Jim: Yeah. We're not here to diagnose

anyone, but as

Jason: a, as a former 14 year old boy myself, This was not above like a normal conversation for me.

Especially when he literally just told me you could do anything in this game. It's like, wow, I'm gonna do the worst shape possible. Yeah, that's fair. Where do they learn about what war crimes actually are? Where do you think their campaign's gonna be? I.

Josey: Ah, yes, .

Jason: So now I'm fighting two pieces at the same time.

Long story short, that goddess of fate must have been on my side because due to a few lucky roles, I managed to down both of them. The DM allowed cu de gra rules, so I could have killed both of them right there. The 12 year old murder hobo asked what I'm gonna do, so I tell him, we'll let fate decide and pull the coin off my wallet.

Each of them would have a 50 50 chance to survive. Both of them lost. The game was completely derailed at this point. So the DM wipes the state clean and starts our characters alive and at full health at the first combat encounter. This time he declares we'll have none of that weird religious stuff from the monk because it's not supposed to be a religious class.

Anyway, blames the monk, the religious stuff blames the monk for all this, all the PVP and the murder. Hobo totally fine, totally fine. Once the monk started all getting weird in Jesusy, assuming that's the God. , uh, or whatever, whatever the, uh, whatever the, uh, uh, the d and d equivalent of Jesusy is as Moy, uh, Malish, I don't know.

like, yeah, Mallory. Yeah. All of them. There's a lot of 'em. Yeah. There's whole books of this. We can do this all day, but, uh, yeah. Going straight to be like, okay, let's all, let's do that. But like, monk don't do anything. Don't do anything fun. , for the next three and a half hours, we proceeded to have the slowest, most excruciating combat I've ever experienced against a group of goblins.

No role play, no descriptions, just the goblin hits. You miss, you hit for three and a half hours.

Announcer: Oh yeah.

Jim: I'm, you

Josey: can't see that this, because this is a, um, an audio forum, but I am. Peeling

Jim: away my eyes. . This

Jason: is, we finally make it through the hor of goblins and to a mysterious trap door in the middle of the woods.

Okay, so I've made it through the shaming from the adults, the murder hoing from the kids, the weird treaties, uhat treat, uh, why don't I treatise know this word?

Jim: Treatise. Treatise, yeah.

Jason: So Dr. Who

drives , so.

I learned a new word today. I'm not even gonna edit this out. Uh, the murder boy from the kids. That weird treat us against role playing from the dm.

And finally, we get to uncover a mystery or find a strange ancient artifact or meet some NPCs. But end of session nothing. We'll never find out what was behind that trap door because this was a one shot of all things I was mad about that day. The dangling mystery of the trap door drives me the craziest, even though I know nothing was behind it, my brain is still unsatisfied by the incomplete story.

That makes so much sense to me. I'm fuming right

Jim: now. Yes.

I'm I'm stressed, . That makes imagine so much sense to


Jason: Yeah. What, imagine building a cliff hanger into your one shot.

Josey: So you can, you can, you have three and a half hours of fighting goblins. That was it. That was the

Jason: whole campaign. That's pretty much.

Uh, I walked out, still receiving a few comments from the adults about how weird it was that I was so into the game.

Josey: Fuck those guys.

Jason: I was, fuck. I received

Josey: seriously fuck those guys. Sorry.

Jason: I received an invite to come back the following week, but did my best to politely decline. I know this story isn't nearly as nasty as some of the other things I've seen on here, but I still feel pretty embarrassed to this day.

There was something so humiliating about being treated like a 12 year old because you like this.

I am fucking steamed, bro. . Um, like how, how do you invite somebody, how do you invite somebody to play d and d? Not tell them it's actually with your children, and then proceed to shame them for trying to kind of show them how the fuck to play.

Yeah. And that's what I wanted to come back to. And actually I believe it's the top comment.

Yeah. Uh, farmer John 92 comments, uh, has a. Produces items that are conducive to that hobby. Wow. Fucking nerd. I can't believe you're actually into your hobby.

Like it's uh oh.

Josey: I like the, I like the comment, the end of that. What a weird take. Imagine showing up to a lake to fish and having bystanders judge you from bringing your own pole. Yeah.

Jason: it's, and that's such a good like, uh, analogy too. Like, like, God forbid you had anything that is, uh, into your hobby, plus you were invited over to do that hobby. This isn't like, um, like the. Okay, so I've had this happen way too many times actually, and I'm surprised I never did it as much, as much magic, the gathering as I played in my life.

But like a lot of like friends would introduce me to their new boyfriend and we're like at a party, not a gaming thing, not even like a, like a board gaming thing. Gaming is not involved in how we're hanging out tonight. And he's like, I brought some magic decks. . I'm like, that was a huge swing and you're lucky.

I used to play Magic , but like

Josey: and he's probably sitting there like, wow, I can't believe that worked. .

Jason: Oh my God. No, I didn't believe it. That was fucking weird. He brought magic. He brought magic thanks to a party.

So I

Jim: used to run into this. I used to run into this kind of thing that's happening in this story at the store occasionally, where clearly the kids are super into it and.

The parents, and in most cases, like the dad hates that the kid is super into it. , but wants to give the kid like either the kid has just like pestered them until they caved or is trying hard to be cool about like giving the kid what they want and letting the kid do their own thing but cannot contain their contempt for the fact that this is what their kid is into.

This is like my kid, like football. Well, I, not even, not even football, but Yeah. Sports, but, but it could be, you know, it could be anything else. You know, we talked about fishing. He doesn't want to go fishing. , um, you know, I've, I've got this, you know, I have an $80,000 boat and, you know, gazillion dollars worth of fishing poles, but all he wants to do is sit in, roll his stupid fucking dice.

Um, like w w we would encounter some of that and like the dads would bring the kids and they would like, you know, ask the kids if they had a good time. But like, they would try to engage me in these like conversations sometimes that were kind of like head shaken, like you. . Um, That like they couldn't believe, they couldn't quite believe that like I was as into it as I really was.

You know, bro, I run this game store well, but yeah, but that's like, they assumed that it was like my job, you know? And that I played d and d, I played this d and d game with the kids. Cause I had to, because, you know, what I really liked was comic books or something like that. I don't know. But, but this like, like there's, there's weird dynamics going on there with like the kids and the DM in the twenties.

and like the parents hanging out watching and stuff, like the parents hanging out watching completely makes sense to me. If you're inviting adult strangers over to play games with your kids, that feels like. I mean, that's a, this

Josey: was, this was weird from literally the first paragraph where it was like, mm-hmm.

Oh, you like D and d? Why don't you come over and play at my house? And the OP is sitting here thinking like, oh, super cool. Like, I'm gonna get to play with somebody that knows what they're doing. This will be fun. And he shows up. It's like, Ooh, actually, I just need you to babysit.

Jim: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Josey: And I'm supervise.

Jason: Well,

no, well, well, the, for sure the adults were there. And the DM was also in his twentie. Uh, so I don't know if this's a babysitting thing. I think it's, I feel like

Josey: they were, I think it felt like a trial run for a babysitting gig where it's like, I'm gonna watch how you interact with my kid and then we'll see

if we invite you back.

Jason: This feels more to me, like my kid is into this very childish thing that I think is very childish. And you, the 25 year old from me, you know, my forties seem to be a child and I think you should play this child's game with my child. That that's the vibe that I got.

Jim: Yeah. And also, You know, there's also certainly, I imagine some of that, like, um, my kid will think it's cool to have an older kid there playing, you know?

Yeah. Uh, and just

Josey: until the older kid, like, Hey, maybe don't be a weird little murder hobo that wants to chew on corpses

Jason: getting, like, he was called to dads from day fives from this.

Jim: Mm-hmm. . Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much so.

Jason: That that's feels, I'm getting this. This is like, I, I'm planning a birthday party for my kid.

He wants to be d and d themed. Um, why don't you guys go hang in the basement while the adults, uh, you know, pass a fishbowl around or whatever they're doing up top. The fact that

Josey: he didn't tell him that it was for his kid feels really weird

Jim: to me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Super weird. Hard agree. Agree.

Jason: Which plays into the, you know, I am my forties.

See you at 25 year old as a child on the same level as my child. .

Jim: So I know the thing, I know the, the, like the piece of information that he wants is what the fuck was under that trap door? Mm-hmm. . But boy, my, uh, you know, I am fascinated with What is the story with that dm? Was, was that DM a cousin? Was it a employee of another?

You know, was it like, like, like somebody else's employee, was it somebody they found just through like Meetup or was something like, like was he getting paid? Did they hire him? Is it like, like what was his deal? Yeah, because there's nothing about him in here. He's an enigma to me, and it's driving me crazy.

Josey: It also says that he may be in his early twenties. Yeah. So we, we actually have no, he could be, he could be 17, he could be a kid that the, the two brothers go

to school with.

Jim: I'm also really curious what the nature of, like this person that he was gonna play with was someone that he quote unquote worked with.


Jason: So I don't think it sense, I'm going to the top of the story here. There's no mention at all on how, how they know each other. It's just they know each other. One of the older guys I know, I,

Jim: I put that into my head there. I'm like that,

Jason: that seems to be the most. The most, uh, uh, possible thing in my head at least.

Jim: Yeah, cuz that's another de that's another detail I want. Like, is this the guy that controls your hours that asked you to come, came, come in and play d and d or who

hands out this is more older

Jason: coworker in a shitty retail job to me. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Because like, it's clearly like, you know, yeah, I see you as a, as a younger thing, but like, you know, you're, I know you're well enough to come to my house, but they don't know a lot about each other.

This, this seems like passive coworkers to, from what I can tell. Yeah. Okay. Sure. I don't know, but, um, it's a lot going on here, folks. Yeah, Jim, you're right. I wanna know like where this DM came from. Um, no, I'm actually gonna agree with op here. I really need to know what the fuck is under that trap door. . I, I need to know it's in the middle of the forest.

I need to know . Uh, so we, we are DM guy. If you're somehow listening, um, let us know what the fuck was in that trap door, uh, .

And let,

Jim: let us know if Jason got your voice right. That's the other question. That's the other thing.

Oh, yeah. No .

Jason: No, no, no. We all know I nailed it. , if there's, there's only one voice, . Uh, fear.

I think he's gonna wrap this one up. Any final thoughts on this or just shit Show?

Josey: Don't invite 20 year olds to play with your 12 year old. That's weird. Especially if you're not gonna tell the 20 year old .

Jim: Just kidding. If you're the 20 year old, ask a couple of questions about the game before you show up.

Just say em. Yeah.

Jason: Say, Hey, we're gonna play d and d at my house. Like, oh, cool. How long have you been playing ?

Jim: Yeah, there you go. That's, that's a, that's a good opening question.

Josey: Yeah, no, this actually, now that you say that this feels like he was like, Hey, do you wanna come play d and d at my house? Okay. Cool.

And then they get

Jim: ways. Let's do it. She just left . I'm leaving this with more questions than answers.

Jason: Oh my God. This is how you get a, like this is how you end up in the back of a van. Guys like ask

Jim: questions was, I was gonna say like, like he didn't end up handcuffed to a radiator, so that's not so it's.

It's not, it's really not that much of a horror story's not as as bad as it could have

Josey: been.


Jason: is an RPG wholesome story, I guess. Then Jim , I'm done. I'm outta here, guys. Thanks so much. We'll see you then. We'll see you in the next


Announcer: Thank you for listening to Curmudgeons and Dragons. Please share this with your favorite adventurers and leave a review. If you have a tale we should tell, please send it to us@curmudgeonsanddragons.com slash contact for consideration. You are now outta initiative.